Greetings and good day to you all, mes amis. As you may or may not be aware, we have been in school for a week, and by virtue of that, we have decided to have yet another issue declaiming different things about school. Or as it is better known in some circles, shule. So don't forget to do your hermworm, but join us on another epic ride.
Opinion
Welcome to Horror
Hello, HSG readers! I would like to introduce myself as quick as possible so that I save your time and my own(it is very precious). I’m Lady Felixa, and I’m just another writer on the HSG team that’s been waiting many months to get to where I am now. So, let’s get started with my article for my very first week here!
I’ve titled this Welcome to Horror because of the upcoming event taking place on the dreaded September 2nd- School has returned. The terror of education has loomed over me since my registration on August 21st(Oops, now you know my grade! Spoilers!). I do believe I speak for a small percentage of us when I say that I almost just want the torture to begin already so that I may stop being bustled through stores searching for binders and notebooks that I might not even use, signing forms, and awaiting my yearly physical for activities that my parents force me into and I inevitably drop out of sooner than you can say ‘Co-curricular athletics’.
But I know many of us are dreading the date that we must drag our feet into that building and sit through another year of the same teachers droning on and on about graphs or cells. On the other hand, though, I do assume that everyone is preparing(or putting-off preparing)! Girls are buying new make-up and reading tabloids to catch up on the upcoming fall fashions. And of course, boys are making sure they have all of their forms turned in so that they may enter sports as soon as the first bell rings.
The real thought on my mind though, is this; the new kids. We’ve been hearing of them all summer- seeing new families moving in next door to friends, spotting them with a small group of forced-friends of their neighbourhoods. But school is as vicious as Roman rule; how will they survive? So, here is my ending question, young bloods: Were you ever a new kid? If so, how did you make it this far? Write your answers to Happy Sunshine Gang(email)!
Cheerio!
Lady FelixaThoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker
As Promised, Satan is Santa
Yes, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with school or hermworm, but I promised it in the last issue and I would feel terribly guilty if I didn't come through for you little heretics. I like you.
So, off we pop. As many of us know, Satan, dark lord of all, is a powerful being that resides in Hell and may or may not rule over sinners. And Santa is a being of light that gives gifts to the good children of the world.
In a weird way, it kind of makes sense. Satan takes a month off every year and rewards his best workers in Hell by allowing them to come out and make toys for a month. He fosters greed in children by giving them gifts unasked for, and also gets a peek and the Naughty and Nice lists. I'll repeat that; he finds out exactly who he needs to be tempting to get more sinners in Hell. And who he should just leave alone.
Satan is Santa. It makes a strange sort of sense.
Glinda, Witch of the North
Stereotypical States
This week, we shall be exploring the wonderful state of Illinois. Illinois is filled to the brim with people who either fall into the category of rude, shovy, urbanites, or happy pig farmer. Illinoians subsist mainly on a diet of corn and bacon, and worship the god Abraham Lincoln.
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