The Holiday Sunshine Gang
No. 18
|
Musings of Our Madness!
|
February 7th, 2014
|
It Seems That We Have Just Done It Again
Letter From the Editor
After a review of last week’s HSG, I realized that ‘brain’ is not spelled ‘brane’ in this
Please
case (brane is “in physics, any dimensional or extended object in string theory. Ex: Our dimension is a 3-brane”. (Dictionary.Com)). This is yet another example of how we happen to ignore some of the most glaring errors. Last week, a writer who has been with us since HSG 3 found that they were unable to continue writing for us (they haven’t officially quit). I’m not ranting about this writer, but this is going to cause some issues with the overall quality of the HSG and the amount of content as we figure out how we make up for not having them with us. The HSG staff would like to ask for your patience until we get this figured out. Please also forgive us for not putting the HSG out on time. The publisher was out of paper and was not able to print any (I had one sheet of paper; give me a break!).
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
New Writer
We have obtained a new writer recently. Her dedication to the HSG and quality of writing really puts us to shame. She writes for our opinion section, and also puts together the ‘Bits and Pieces’ puzzle for us. She is far too busy to be bothered with the likes of us at this point in time, but you can take creepy notes about her by piecing together the bits of information you learn from ‘Bits and Pieces’ and the pieces she writes for opinion section. I would want to discourage being true to yourself if you happen to be a stalker, now would I?
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Survey
The HSG has received compliments and complaints about the changes from last year’s issues to this year’s issues. Due to this, we ask that you answer the following questions and submit your answers to our Creative Works director, Glinda, Witch of the North, to happysunshinegang@gmail.com or in written form to your local HSG representative. If you didn’t receive the HSG last year, you can answer the questions that still apply to you.
- What is a positive change that you have seen in the HSG?
- What is a negative change that you have seen in the HSG?
- What is one thing you think should be done to improve the HSG?
- What kinds of works would you like to see in the HSG?
- When do you usually read the HSG?
- How long do you usually take to read the HSG?
- Do you ever do the puzzles found in the HSG?
- What is a part that is no longer in the HSG that you enjoyed? Why did you enjoy it?
We would like to thank you in advance for reading and/or answering the survey.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Word Search
‘I Don’t Have Time’ by Gavin Stalin
Time, Toomuch, Busy, Crammed, Nosleep, Tests, School, Latenights, Joinourcult
Bits and Pieces
Bits and Pieces is really quite simple. You sit down and count how many words you can make from a given phrase without using the words that are part of the phrase itself (ex: If the puzzle is ‘Fun Puzzle’, you can make ‘Fez’, but not ‘Fun’ or ‘Puzzle’). If you have beaten the given count, you may bring in your list of words with the corresponding puzzle to receive some sort of prize. It may be emailed or given to your local HSG representative.
Crazy People
Count: 32
What Do You Think?
We’re wondering what our readers are thinking, and may or may not be using their answers to program a robot that will destroy the world. No worries. Just email your answer to niesbixby@gmail.com or give it to your local HSG representative. It will be published!
What is one state that the U.S. could do without?
Serial
The serial might be coming? Soon? Maybe if you’ve been a good child this year. That means that you don’t get to see it, Tommy.
Stereotyping States
Who knows? Our writers thought that this section would be fun. So, without any further explanation...
Michigan
The good people of the state of Michigan, especially the UP, are particularly known for their heavy accent, eh? These lovely specimens of ‘Murican are characterized by expensive new automobiles, hunting, and fish boils, which they delight in hosting for absolutely no reason that we here at the HSG can think of. If you ever meet one of these in it’s natural habitat, and you happen to notice it carrying a shotgun, my best advice would be to not look like a deer.
-Glinda, Witch of the North
33 Haikus About Poetry
I wrote 33 haikus about poetry last year for poetry warmup exercises. Enjoy!
Poetry VI
Poetry is like
An invention of rKrp
Where is Bobland’s wheel?
Holiday Corner
Countdowns
Human Rights Day- today!
China...
International Mountain Day- tomorrow!
Aren’t you excited?
Christmas: 8 days
Meh.
New Year’s: 22 days
There’s shrimp and egg nog at midnight. What more could you want?
The Question
What is one state that the US could do without?
I personally was thrilled to itty bitty pieces... (cont’d)
when someone other than the sibling of Gavin Stalin actually replied to this question. Thank you, Erin F.
“More of a vacation state than anything else, the people there could probably care less about what happens on the mainland now that Pearl Harbor is over. At least Alaska is connected to Canada, which is connected the U.S. But Hawaii just floats in it's own little paradise.”
|
Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker
In Which I Explore Ways to Get Rid of Pilot Fish
As the holidays are coming up quite shortly, it has come to my attention that certain people you may know are having issues with their Christmas trees coming to life and attacking them. Since my purpose in this newspaper is to give you lot some entertainment, I have decided that it is in my best interest to teach you how to get rid of these pilot fish, as they are more commonly known to those of us who watch Doctor Who. If you are all turned into daleks, who am I going to entertain? Anyway, without further ado, here are five ways to get rid of a pilot fish.
1. Call the Doctor. This may seem like something that any reasoning person would do, but you would be surprised how many people do not take this simple step. The Doctor can get rid of pilot fish with application of a sonic screwdriver.
2. Keep any and all forms of life away from the pilot fish. Although they are only indicators of a larger alien presence in your community, that does not make them any less deadly to humans and animals in the area. One recommended form of containment is to place the pilot fish in a metal container, as likely it will not be able to get out.
3. Assemble a stockpile of food and water and make your way to a bunker. As it might take a long time for the Doctor to arrive, it is best to take all precautions necessary to make sure you do not starve or anything while waiting for him to arrive. Therefore I recommend you stockpile nonperishable foods and water and make your way to a bunker, preferably concrete or steel. Something that will take a little doing to get into, but also something that has more than one way out. You don’t want to be trapped in case of alien invasion.
These are three simple steps that should keep you safe from pilot fish this holiday season. Thank you again and watch out for Christmas trees!
-Glinda, Witch of the North
Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Here is the introduction for our newest writer.
Proclamations for the Dependent Mind (See What I Did There?)
Hello, dear readers!
This column is meant to challenge the musings we create in our “witty” heads. It’ll be a spoken column, but I’m certain it’ll carry some sense. :) Here, I’ll reflect on some unjust matter that I’ve been thinking about--and make it a statement for all the 22 subscribers to read. This being rather a dependant column, I’ll see what the wonderful Internet has to offer on the subject. Whether it’s a Cyanide and Happiness comic strip or a speech from Abraham Lincoln, the extra insight should be (relatively) enjoyable. Thanks!
-Crossroads
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Opinion
The Dark Side of the Olympics: Why Our Idols are Humans Too
Beginning with the flash of a torch and a cheer from a crowd, the Olympics is probably one of the most anticipated events in a person’s lifetime. Coming to our NBC television screens mid-February, viewers witness a spectacular array of sports--the effortless twirls of a skater, the jaw-dropping height of a ski jumper, and the fantastic speed of a luge rider. It’s all so glorifying, so magnificent, that in truth, viewers forget to appreciate the loss of every other competitor who didn’t take home gold--and that the people on the big screen are really just like them.
Take the incident of Tom Daley and Pete Waterfield. After taking the lead in a synchronized diving competition, the duo stepped up to the platform to attempt a dive--but landed way out of sync. To make matters worse, their flaw dropped them three spots--into fourth place (http://time.com/). So much for Britain taking a gold at their own Olympics.
Or what about the time Matthias Steiner, weightlifter extravaganza, dropped a 430 pound weight on his face while attempting to keep his footing? After being released from the competition, he was rushed to the hospital, where thankfully he wasn’t seriously injured. No medal for him--and it was all caught on world wide television (http://www.zap2it.com/).
Olympians are some of the most exalted and glorified humans we know. But we have to remember that they’re still mortals and that, no, it really isn’t as easy as you think to do a triple backflip combo, two aerials, and a 720 degree twirl all before landing (perfectly) on the edge of a gymnastic mat. These idols of ours can become “human” in the snap of a finger--or rather, the tenth of a second. So empathize with them. Refrain from writing “HE LOOKS LIKE A WAFFLE MONKEY LOL LOOK AT HIS FACE” on a Youtube video replaying that Olympian’s worst nightmare. And of course, enjoy next month’s winter Olympics. Maybe someday you’ll screw up there too.
-Crossroads
|
Review Corner
Music Musings: The Christmas Invasion Part III
Now that the first snow has fallen (and, with these temperatures, must be staying) it’s more acceptable for radio stations to be playing Christmas music (if you have a craving, tune your radio to 94.9). There are, unfortunately, the ‘countrified’ disasters of songs that we cherish as well as the modern pop versions of them that ruin our ears and spirits, but a decent selection has been played (and no Christmas Shoes!).
A Charlie Brown Christmas By Vince Guaraldi Trio (1965)
This album is a slightly jazzy version of famous Christmas tunes along with the famous music from A Charlie Brown Christmas (the 2012 edition also features the themes from It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving). Even if you don’t care for the film or The Peanuts in general, there are traditional christmas carols included. It is sure to ease the tension at those family gatherings that you don’t really want to be at (I know, I know... It’s their fault!) or just for decorating and baking. If you don’t have the album yet, I recommend that you get it to add to your holiday selections.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
|
No comments:
Post a Comment