The Happy Sunshine Gang
Musings of our Madness!
no. 4
Sorry
Sorry, but last week the Happy Sunshine Gang could not be distributed because the publisher was absent on the day of distribution, and so it couldn’t be. If it had been determined that there wouldn’t be a Happy Sunshine Gang further ahead of time, there would have been a notice in the Happy Sunshine Gang no. 3. Sorry about any inconveniences this may have occurred. Note that if you have had suicidal thoughts, please see a psychiatrist immediately and get out of the streets.
Ripple Effect
Though this was also in the last Happy Sunshine Gang, it ties in perfectly with this theme. Don’t you dare call us lazy.
Ripple Effect
I forgot to do my ‘Ripple Effect’ assignment. Then, I stayed up until early in the morning with my lights on. Then, the llamas from the electric company were overworked. Then they sent a letter to me through the alpaca mailmen. They refused to send the letter to me. Then, the scientists predicted, the Alpacalypse would surely occur. Then, the Alpacalypse did occur, forcing the Amazon to shift to North America. Then the bacon snakes discovered that the pig was their enemy. Then they began to die off. The pigs began to overpopulate North America because they were prospering due to the bacon snakes. The interstates began to be clogged up by the excess pigs. Since I obviously live in Canada, this caused me to be late to shule (formerly school). My teachers got mad at me. Then, I was too depressed to remember the assignment. Because of all this, I am sorry to say, I was unable to do the assignment. I’ll try harder next time.
How Will the Alpacalypse Affect Me?
Many people know about the alpacalypse, but not many people know just what will happen during it, or how it will affect them. The thing about the alpacalypse is that it will affect many people, even the Canadians. First of all, we must establish one fact: The alpacalypse, unlike the apocalypse, does not mean immediate death, but it does mean that life itself may become difficult, if not impossible.
First, the Amazon will move from Brazil to North America. Then, the pigs will begin to overpopulate the Midwest, and then spread to the rest of the U.S. (contrary to the popular belief that all people from the Midwest are pig farmers and the belief that all the world’s pig farmers live in the Midwest) because of all the bacon snakes they eat (the pig is their enemy).The pigs begin to clog the interstate highways, which, while preventing anyone from within the country travel anywhere, will prevent the Canadians from shipping maple syrup to the U.S. and the world, because Canada clearly lacks any sort of ocean coastline of which they could ship the maple syrup from.
Not only will this affect the syrup industry (which in a domino effect affects other things). but because the bacon snakes, our only source of bacon, begin to be overeaten, the bacon of the world begins to deplete, and thus the world must end.
While the alpacalypse will not kill us itself, its effects would be devastating. Some effects may even trigger the Big Chill or Big Crunch, thus destroying the universe. This is why not all impossible things are worth achieving, and so we will now openly condemn heavier than air flight. Sorry, Mr. Orville and Mr. Wilbur.
Payback
Sorry, but due to the fact that we have received no entries to our contest, you will have to suffer through various ads from our sponsors (fine, it’s only one + an ad we placed). It’s your fault, really. Fine, it’ll be next week.
Doomsday Volcanoes
These volcanoes are all real, as is the situation, The Iceland volcano is the volcano with the really long, impossible-to-pronounce name Eyjafjallajökull (Say AY-yah-fyad-layer-kuh-tel (thank you that recently erupted. The other volcanoes are relatively close to it, are larger in size and concern, and are overdue.
Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Indiana: A Horrible Place
People are too busy, and so here I am, writing (and probably ruining) this column for its normal writer. Honestly, if you aren’t already busy, don’t set out to be busy. People are also incredibly dishonest and all-in-all horrible, especially if they live in Indiana.
Indiana is a horrible place, filled with horrible towns, filled with horrible people. There is nothing to do, and it is completely flat. It’s rather similar to Nebraska, which somehow brings us to our topic: Making assumptions about people and places without any knowledge about them is horribly wrong; much like judging a book by its cover (the covers are always far better than the books themselves). Of course, in our example we have reasonable grounds for saying this because whatever we say is fact.
While loitering around, I realized that Indiana is really hated by most people, even those that don’t live there. What can give us grounds for saying things like these, though? One thing that helps is if it is fact, or if it affects you. After doing some digging, I found that the people living in Indiana really do hate it. This would give others grounds to hate it, too. In the future, though, you always have to avoid making assumptions about people, because it can really offend them. Often, the people you make assumptions about are some of the nicest people you meet, and in making assumptions, you can hurt both the person and yourself.
Knowledge corner
“There is no statue of liberty”
-The Book of Truth
Advice
Always strive for the worst of your best!
Random fact
In England, it is against the law to eat mince pie on Christmas.
Quote
“Get thee to a nunnery.” -William Shakespeare
Creativity Corner
There were not any entries for the Creativity Corner this week. Sorry!
Reminder: Enter anything you wish! Please deliver your writings to our creative works editor/director, Hannah Nies. It may be typed, written, or sent via email to niesbixby@gmail.com. If it is a drawing and you have a scanner, please scan it in and send it to her via email. If you do not have access to a scanner, please make your colors dark.
Contest
The contest will not be extended any longer. We have decided that we will need to build up a bigger reader-base before doing anything that may require work on the part of the readers.
Serial
Enjoy this serial. And everything else. But don’t knock on the walls. It’s halfway done after this installment!
Please Don’t Knock on the Walls
Part IV
The magician didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then he spoke, albeit reluctantly.
“Well, sir, since you don’t give me much of a choice, let’s have it. What are my options?”
The guest’s smile grew even wider, if it were possible and revealed pointed teeth like daggers. “Oh, it’s quite simple, Mr. Abramovich. You give me your soul, or I kill everybody you love in half an hour. If you agree to give up your soul, go on stage tonight and perform as usual. If, however, you would prefer the other option, cancel your show and I will find you. Now, Mr. Abramovich, I really must be going. Murders to plan, souls to torment, you must know how it is, being a performer. You know, we really have similar jobs. We both have to jump through hoops for people that we can’t see.” The guest tapped his wristwatch.
“Ta ta, Mr. Abramovich, time’s a wastin.’ By the by, you have exactly 28 minutes to make up your mind.” The guest walked towards the door and winked. As he placed his gloved hand on the doorknob, Abramovich leaned forward, hand outstretched.
“Wait!” he shouted, a wild light in his eyes. “Please. Who are you?” The man turned, a wry smile on his lips.
“Haven’t you guessed?” he said, “I’m the Devil.” And with that the door slammed behind him, causing the stacks upon stacks of paper on Abramovich’s desk to drift to the floor. Abramovich put his head in his hands. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to steal that magic from the Devil. But what could he do about it now? He only had two options. Give up his soul, or... He didn’t want to think the alternative, didn’t want to let it take root in his head as something that could possibly happen. All of his friends and family dead, because of him. If that happened, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. He would immediately seek out a way to end his life, and it probably wouldn’t be painless, either. What choice did he really have?
“Haven’t you guessed?” he said, “I’m the Devil.” And with that the door slammed behind him, causing the stacks upon stacks of paper on Abramovich’s desk to drift to the floor. Abramovich put his head in his hands. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to steal that magic from the Devil. But what could he do about it now? He only had two options. Give up his soul, or... He didn’t want to think the alternative, didn’t want to let it take root in his head as something that could possibly happen. All of his friends and family dead, because of him. If that happened, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. He would immediately seek out a way to end his life, and it probably wouldn’t be painless, either. What choice did he really have?
Opinion(s)
Reader(s)! You may submit your opinions/suggestions/questions/concerns about/for the Happy Sunshine Gang. Just write a memo to our creative works editor, Hannah Nies. Do it for the fame; you may get published!
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