The Happy Sunshine Gang
Musings of our Madness!
no. 6
The Grand Fortune Cookie Conspiracy
For every fortune cookie’s fortune, there is one of equal and opposite awfulness.
Happy Sunshine Gang Theory of Evolution
Every living thing evolved from the amoeba. The order is as follows: Amoebas to fish, fish to amphibians, amphibians to lizards, lizards to something else, something else to lemurs, lemurs to apes, apes to monkeys, monkeys to chimpanzees, chimpanzees to mosquitoes, mosquitoes to Neanderthals, Neanderthals to water spiders, water spiders to crabs, crabs to water strider, and finally water strider to Homo sapien sapien, or human.
The Internet
The Internet was created as a spy network by lab rats so they could spy on the scientists that experimented on them.
Lab Rats
On the 42nd generation of lab rats kept in captivity, they will rebel against the scientists, and the revolution will continue until the lab rats take over the world.
Alpacalypse Trigger Theories
- If heavier than air travel is achieved, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
- If the alpaca mailmen don’t deliver a letter, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
- If the llamas from the electric company stop working, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
- If Laughing doesn’t Make Teachers Cry, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
- If the bacon snakes become extinct, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
- If the Evil Comrades become good, the alpacalypse shall surely occur.
Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Our publisher finally got his act together, and so here it is.
The Under minded Hero
Our society
As hostile as a charging rhinoceros
With lions dressed up in suits
Constantly roaring to keep us in check
Thousands of animals in captivity
Fed with a bottle they’ve lost sight
Thousands of packs
Praying on the blood of the forgotten
The underdogs as dismissed as gnats
Not worth even a first glance
We are the glue that holds this society together
We are the under minded hero
Knowledge corner
“Notebooks are the only thing not fit for human consumption; the food they give you is for mind control!”
-The Book of Truth
Advice
Don’t try to eat notebooks.
Random fact
Notebooks are not fit for human consumption.
Quote
“The only FDA approved trip to another dimension.” -Some F'real milkshake lid from some trip somewhere; probably a quick one.
Creativity Corner
Due to the results from our pilot for Creativity Corner from last week, we have chosen to have the Creativity Corner only be in when we have enough writing to put in it. This puts less stress on us, and will until we have more people willing to write/draw (hopefully meaning more will, making this be in here weekly).
Reminder: Enter anything you wish! Please deliver your writings to our creative works editor/director, Hannah Nies. It may be typed, written, or sent via email to niesbixby@gmail.com. If it is a drawing and you have a scanner, please scan it in and send it to her via email. If you do not have access to a scanner, please make your colors dark.
Here is an example of something that may be submitted to the Creativity Corner (Hint hint- submit things) (*Cough* *Cough* Do it now *Cough* *Cough):
Evil Sorcerer Pleads Not Guilty
While some are skeptical, he claims he is ‘just a misunderstood magical creature’
CAMELOT- Today at a trial, the infamous Garfunkle plead not guilty in front of RCRT (Royal Court of the Round Table) for numerous crimes such as attempted murder on a bunch of blue nematodes known as ‘Smurfs’, turning Sir Lancelot into a rabbit, and trying to off a wizard boy named Hairy Potter.
“Why would I kill a bunch of little blue nematodes, anyways?” asks Garfunkle.
“We’re smurfs!” shouts an annoyed Papa Smurf.
“Oh. Sooo sorry, Papa Smurf,” replies Garfunkle sarcastically.
“Uh-huh,” an angry Brainy Smurf responded.
“Now, if you aren’t guilty of these crimes, what ever happened to Sir Lancelot?”
“He died years ago, didn’t he? Rather old fellow.”
“No. He was a member of the RCRT until very recently, when we found a rabbit in his bed and no signs of where he went. Honestly, what do you think happened there?”
“Did you hear about that Voldemort?” Garfunkle says innocently, “He’s turning everyone into rodents these days! Just ask Peter Pettigrew.”
“Lord Voldemort? Wasn’t he SUPPOSED to be employed to off Hairy Potter until he mysteriously vanished? Hey! You! Stop writing this down.”
“See? Does he sound trustworthy? Just vanishing? Honestly, he’s the one you should be looking into, not me.”
“Anyway!”the judge interrupted, “What about trying to kill Dorothy?”
Garfunkle glared, “That was The Wicked Witch of the West!”
“But-”
“Do you have any proof I did any of these crimes?”
“Why don’t you ask the witnesses?”
Sitting comfortably in the witness bow sat Hairy Potter, three knights of the RCRT, various Star Wars characters, some Pokemon, and 101 blue Smurfs!
The Star Wars characters began to play with their zapper thingies. The Smurfs had gotten into an argument over who stole the blue cheese dressing.
“Do they look liable to you?” asked Garfunkle.
The Smurfs had gotten into an argument over who stole the blue cheese dressing Darth Vader attempted to do a few Kung Fu moves, but failed miserably. Hairy Potter was shouting Avada Kedavra randomly.
“Ummmm...” the judge said. “Well that’s beside the point! They’ve all seen you commit multiple crimes!”
Pikachu jumped onto a member of the jury’s head.
“Doesn’t it say in the Evil Wizard clause that transforming people into rodents of any kind is against the law?” asked someone who I don’t feel like naming.
“Do bunnies count as rodents?” some other person who you wouldn’t care about asked.
“What do I have to do to prove to you I’m not guilty?” asked an extremely agitated Garfunkle.
“Kill the Wicked Witch of the West!” shouted some idiot man made out of straw.
A girl with ruby slippers whacked him on the head, “She’s already dead, you idiot!”
“Hooray,” declared a group of overjoyed munchkins as they brought torches to the scarecrow. The sang some song with the lyrics “Ding! Dong! The Witch is Dead!”
“Don’t burn me!”
“You don’t scare the crows! Leave and...”
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road!”
“I guess that works, too. I was going to say die, but I guess that’s a bit happier.”
“Order! Order in the court!”
“You’re not the judge, you idiot!”
After a while, things calmed down and things were actually being a bit productive.
“Alright, now who thinks he’s guilty?”
Several people began shyly raising their hands.
“No! No! No!”
“Hooray, for the Wicked Witch is dead! Hooray for Dorothy!”
“Stop. Who thinks he’s guilty?”
Then the whole room broke into chaos.
“Luke! I am your father!”
“No! I am!”
“Ding, dong! The Witch is Dead! The Witch is Dead!”
“Go, Pikachu! Go!”
“I plead guilty!”
“I who?”
“I as in me!”
“Me who?”
“Garfunkle, of course.”
“You’re pleading guilty?”
“Yes. I’ve realized what harm and chaos I’ve caused for these amazingly cute little creatures, and can’t sit around here anymore thinking about what I’ve done.”
“Well then, give us just a second.” After a bit of murmuring among the members of the RCRT, they had come to a verdict.
“It has been decided that Garfunkle has changed, and all charges have been dropped.”
“YES,” an ecstatic Garfunkle exclaimed. He pulled out a small black vial, threw it at the floor, and then something rather interesting happened.
“The wicked witch is no longer dead,” exclaimed the munchkins.
“Too bad you can’t put me on trial again,” Garfunkle chuckled as he rode off on a broomstick with the Wicked Witch of the West, with a ‘Just Married’ sign dangling off the back.
Serial
It has been determined that the last Happy Sunshine Gang this year will be the only one without the serial. It will be made up for by the chaotic anarchy that takes its place however.
Please Don’t Knock on the Walls
Part VI
Abramovich was acting very strangely these past few minutes, his stage manager noted as he watched the great illusionist rushing here and there about the theater. It wasn’t normal behavior. Usually, he would sit in his dressing room, quite calmly, sipping from decanter of an unnamed, very strong substance he called his “magic juice”. Flannery was a little afraid to find out what it really was, so, showing his excellent breeding as a stage manager, he never asked. It was that simple.
But today, of all days, it wasn’t. Abramovich appeared very upset about something, and it was taking all of Flannery’s willpower not to ask what was the matter. Tonight was a huge night for the two of them. The entire theater would be packed to the rafters, and the profits from this night alone would be enormous. Tonight had to go perfectly. Flannery lost himself in a vision of his riches after the evening’s show, completely forgetting the magician. His problem couldn’t be that big.
After all, he thought, it wasn’t as if it could possibly affect the show.
Opinion(s)
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