The Happy Sunshine Gang
No. 11.
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The Happy Sunshine Gang
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September 20th, 2013
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Welcome to Prison
Welcome to the 11th edition of this newspaper. As journalists, we feel quite proud of making it this far. So don’t stomp on our fabulous accomplishment. For this week, the theme is School=Utopia. Our serial will feature some particularly vindictive factory workers, and the column Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker will extol the virtues (not) of Woody Guthrie and pseudo-Depression Era music.
-Glinda, Witch of the North
School=Utopia
Okay, you got us. We really meant School=Prison.You didn’t really think that we would be involved in anything that had to do with school being good, did you?
Now, here are some reasons why school is a prison, not a utopia. The teachers, who are supposed to be patrolling the halls, watching out for idiotic children like some I could name, mainly stare blankly at the wall or socialize with one another. Don’t they realize that while they are talking placidly, idiocy is being allowed to run rampant in the halls? Apparently not.
But that’s not the only beef we have with school or Shule, as it is more appropriately known. The teachers persist in giving out mounds of hermworm, when we clearly have better things to do than be their slave-monkeys. If they really need help finding the answer to that Geometry problem, maybe they picked the wrong career.
And another thing. The upperclassmen need to regulate how much space they are taking up in the hallway. It is extremely irritating, not to mention downright inconvenient, when you come upon a clump of them that seems to stretch across the entire hallway and you are forced to make like a battering ram if you want to get through.
This concludes my reasons of why Shule is prison.
-Glinda, Witch of the North
New Writer
Our new writer is still being lazy. They have been told that if they still want to write then they will give us a letter of introduction or be replaced. They have; however, given us the following haiku:
Happy Sunshine Gang,
I think introductions suck,
That is all for now!
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin & Our new unnamed writer
Sorry...
Letter From the Editor
I am terribly sorry that only some of you got last week’s HSG. I am a procrastinator, and so right before I had to go I printed off all the copies. I grabbed what looked like 12-ish but was really 6 and left, not realizing that my printer ran out of paper. Oops!
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
‘The Form’
At last minute I am changing the subscription/ordering materials process to simply contacting our creative works director, Glinda, Witch of the North, at niesbixby@gmail.com, or contacting her assistant-person, ScienceWalls at luckylydi@gmail.com.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Opinions
We want to hear what you have to say about the Happy Sunshine Gang, or about other events or things in our world. Or our heads. Yes, that works, too. If you give your opinions in written form via a hard copy, or as an email to niesbixby@gmail.com or luckylydi@gmail.com, it may be published in the HSG.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Serial
This year, the HSG plans on continuing with a regular serial (regular in the meaning that there will consistently be one, not that they will be regular) each week/issue. Last year, it was found that the HSG’s serial was one of the most major draws to the HSG.
Serial... Cereal?
As one might expect, the event that started all of this occurred on a day so ordinary, I would feel ashamed just telling you the day. All right. It was a Tuesday. Yes. I find it shameful that such a momentous event really happened on a Tuesday! But it did, and I should really get on with it before all of you get bored.
So. On this Tuesday, Jackson the factory worker was walking to lunch. Now, Jackson was a worker at the Coco Puff factory, and he took great pride in his job and had an almost worshipful opinion of his boss, a Mr. Twiddles. As he passed by the rival cereal company in town, Krispy Krunchies, he noticed that one of the employees was standing outside the door, watching him intently.
Word Search
‘HSG’ by Gavin Stalin
Payback, Revenge, Servedcold, Cutthroat, Backstab, Backstabbing, Deception
Creativity Corner
Our Creativity Corner piece will be in next time...
Stereotyping States
Who knows? Our writers thought that this section would be fun. So, without any further explanation...
Iowa
Iowa is such a lovely place. Full of farmers, cows, and really really long rows of corn/wheat/food products. You know, fun stuff. Generally, Iowa is home to farmers, Amish people, and those who thought that it would be a fun place to go on vacation. And college students who complain about a lack of ‘night-life’ or ‘distractions’ in its cities. They got trapped by the hickishness that populates such places and in most cases were never seen again.
33 Haikus About Poetry
I wrote 33 haikus about poetry last year for poetry warmup exercises. Enjoy!
Poetry III
Poetry has an
Evident lack of grammar
Doesn’t it still count?
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Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Music and the Internet
It’s hard to imagine life without the internet, especially when you think of music. Music has been a huge part of the internet for many years now, but is that necessarily a good thing? Studies have shown that 40% of what teenagers search for is music. That’s a lie, but there are millions of music searches every day. I know that for sure, because I am to blame for half of them.
Music is great, and music on the internet makes starving bands easier to find. It helps artists gain popularity tremendously. Unfortunately, all good comes alongside bad. What’s bad about music on the internet, you say? Illegal downloads, you say? INCORRECT, MY CHILD. The worst part about music on the internet is that ‘making it’ isn’t special anymore. Take Rebecca Black, the young girl who sang Friday. That little gem went viral, even though it is a terrible song. Nowadays, any amateur with a computer can become a ‘musician’.
However, while the internet is responsible for some really bad music, it also gives people a chance. We’d like to think that we’re better than needing to know the right people to be known. We’re not, not even close. The internet gives people of all different backgrounds a chance at stardom. So what do you think? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Well, I’ll let you decide.
-Science Walls
Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker
Woody Guthrie: A Study in Twang and Bad Grammar
This week, while doing pre-reading exercises for of Mice and Men, a Great Depression novel, we were subjected to some period music by Woody Guthrie.
Now, let me brief. I fail to see how anyone of intelligence would enjoy such drivel. As if the nearly unintelligible twang wasn’t bad enough, the artist tries to add some ‘authentic’ bad grammar. Not to mention that the songs are all variations of the same thing. The Depression was bad, and the Dust Bowl was equally as awful, I agree, but to immortalize it in such an inauthentic load of drivel is just adding insult to injury. We spend so much money listening to music about sex and equally inappropriate things, so can’t we shell out a little to make music that really expresses the trauma of the period?
-Glinda, Witch of the North
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