The Happy Sunshine Gang
No. 12.
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The Happy Sunshine Gang
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September 27th, 2013
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Select Sections From the Most Recently Revised Edition of the Book ‘Rules and Regulations for Being an Electric Company Llama’
1. Thou shalt be on time.
1.1 Thou shalt not be late
1.1.1 If thou art late, thou shalt be canned.
1.1.1.1 It thou art canned, thou shalt not seek employment for thyself.
1.1.1.2 If thou art canned, thou shalt lose all thy honor
1.2 Thou shalt try to be early.
1.2.1 Thou shalt not annoy thy boss while thou wait.
1.2.2 Thou shalt not punch in early.
1.2.2.1 Thou shalt not not recieve overtime for punching in early.
1.2.2.2 Thou shalt be canned if thou shalt punch in early.
1.2.2.2.1 If thou art canned, thou shalt not seek employment for thyself.
1.2.2.2.2 If thou art canned, thou shalt lose all thy honor.
2. Thou shalt not be an alpaca.
2.1 Thou shalt be a llama.
2.2 Alpacas work for USPS.
2.2.1 Llamas shalt not work for USPS.
3. Thou shalt not be in the company of an Alpaca for more than 2 hours every odd day of the week.
4. Thou shalt not be from a following listed country, city, galaxy, or territory:
4.1 Norway
4.2 Germany
4.3 Sweden
4.4 Italy
4.5 Vatican City
4.6 Andorra
4.7 Guam (or another territory under the rule or traditional authority of a descendant of King Herp A. Derp the 42nd)
4.8 Andromeda
4.9 Magic City, Idaho
Note- many have been omitted due to the fact that there are simply too many. Consult your local utilities company for a complete list.
5 Thou shalt bring honor upon thyself, thy boss, and thy clients
6 Thou shalt not leave the city limits without expressed written permission of one of the High Llama Council and at least 13 dozen scientists.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
‘The Form’
At last minute I am changing the subscription/ordering materials process to simply contacting our creative works director, Glinda, Witch of the North, at niesbixby@gmail.com, or contacting her assistant-person, ScienceWalls at luckylydi@gmail.com.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Opinions
We want to hear what you have to say about the Happy Sunshine Gang, or about other events or things in our world. Or our heads. Yes, that works, too. If you give your opinions in written form via a hard copy, or as an email to niesbixby@gmail.com or luckylydi@gmail.com, it may be published in the HSG.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Serial
This year, the HSG plans on continuing with a regular serial (regular in the meaning that there will consistently be one, not that they will be regular) each week/issue. Last year, it was found that the HSG’s serial was one of the most major draws to the HSG.
Serial... Cereal?
The employee gave Jackson the evil eye. Jackson gave the employee the evil eye in return. They stood like that for some minutes, staring each other in the face. Finally Jackson made the first move. He went over to the other man and spat on him. Not surprisingly, the other man, a rather robust fellow named Johnson, reacted in the same vein, if not with the same gesture. He punched our friend in the face.
And that was how it started. One small encounter between two employees that would spark a feud that wouldn’t stop for years, that would cost thousands in damages, and would completely destroy the mango production in the area. One little altercation.
Word Search
‘The Lonely Hobo’ by Gavin Stalin
Hoboes, Tommy, Scraggly, Beard, Scragglybeard, Parable, Yesterday, Passengers, Evildoctors
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Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Sorry!
We don’t have a column this week! Sorry, but our columnist who would typically be writing this has been very busy this week *wink* *wink*, and hasn’t had time to write their column (not like they’ve been lazy, and we’ve been using old stuff all year).
-Science Walls
Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker
Writer’s block has been decided upon as the topic of discussion for this week’s edition. I thought it would be appropriate because it is a condition I am currently afflicted with.
Yes. This time, I am writing about how I can’t think of anything that I wish to write about.
Writer’s block is a rather serious condition that seems to target mainly authors, poets, and journalists trying to write their columns on the eve of publication, especially when you are trying to take up a lot of space in the column that never has enough written in it. You would think that our formatter and editor would get working on that problem.
Symptoms of this disease include sitting in front of the computer staring blankly on the screen, a strange and sudden inability to type and atrophy of the brain. Later on, victims may experience a lack of productivity, and may lose writing jobs because of it.
This condition is serious and can be deadly to writers of any age if left untreated for long enough.
If you think that you have this disease, be advised to see a doctor immediately to expedite treatment and potentially save your writing life in the process.
-Glinda, Witch of the North
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Creativity Corner
This week, we have our first Creativity Corner submission. Isn’t this exciting? If you want to submit, please send your submission to niesbixby@gmail.com.
And here it is.
In Memory of Summer
June 2013-September 2013
We gather here today to celebrate the life of a season so bright, so full of expectations—whether they be lounging in front of the TV all day or attending camp after camp—and to remember the laughter, fun, and excitement it brought us. We counted its time until birth, and…sadly…recollected the days that seemed to fly by with the nighttime breeze. Our day has come to recognize the heart-wrenching fact that summer, in all its glory, has departed far too soon.
Let us have a moment of silence for this magnificent season.
And yet—was summer really all that magical?
I’m hoping this isn’t too soon, but I really do feel that summer was terrible. Feel free to absorb the fact that, indeed, you thought, at some point, summer wasn’t the best. Do we just choose to remember the good memories and nix the bad? Perhaps the summer sun engraves a message in our minds depicting just that.
I suppose I’ve come to your rescue, then. Here’s a list of everything you casually pushed to the back of your mind—everything that made summer absolutely unbearable.
The List of What Made Summer Awful
- Heat and humidity—absolutely atrocious.
- Going to bed at three and waking up at noon—five texts and two phone calls later, you realized you missed the entire morning and one invitation to hang out.
- Hanging around the house and scrolling through photos on your phone—after two days, you’ve seen them all.
- Bees—ask ScienceWalls
- Rain—it never ended! Flash floods were a common sight to see.
- Note from the editor- Our editor is delighted with the fact that they were on vacation the whole week that the floods were around where we are all forced to survive.
- Camps—well, I suppose it had to do with who you were stuck with in a group. And the camp. I may explain myself in another story later this year…
- Swimming…wait for it...at a public pool.
- Brothers and sisters—when you have time on your hands, what better to do than pick a fight with a sibling?
- Parents—ditto.
- Lack of air conditioning—relates to the camp experience…
- Wasps and other scary bugs—why do they even exist?
- Family from across the country—please. Having to share my room is bad enough, but to entertain three groups of people three weeks in a row? Kill me now.
- Studying for school—if you’re like me and can’t live without textbooks, you know studying over the summer is a must. Though it’s impossibly hard to do when friends are calling about pool parties and parents take you out to go places…
- Exercising outside—besides the excessive sweating, the sun just can’t wait to get in our eyes, can it?
- Not exercising outside—of course, the common parental muse is, “Why don’t you play outside? It’s beautiful out.” A guilt trip for us all.
- Summer colds—they’re similar to the flu, if you’ve never gotten one.
- Summer school bus rides—way too many people packed into a bus. Add in the 90 degree heat, and you may want to walk.
Feeling better about school yet? Then you may want to try the word puzzle below.
Rules: Out of the word or phrase, attempt to make new words. For example, in the phrase, “We hate summer,” I can create the word ‘haste’, ‘thaw’, and ‘west’. You may not use a word already in the word or phrase—as in, I couldn’t have said ‘summer’. Names are only allowed if universally known as someone famous or important.
Phrase this week:
Back to School
How many words can you find? I got 76—if you can top that, bring me your list of words, and I’ll give you some sort of candy.
-CosÃSey
Stereotyping States
Who knows? Our writers thought that this section would be fun. So, without any further explanation...
Indiana
Indiana: A state literally hated by all. No one likes Indiana. Ask someone who lives in Indiana. They, too, will hate Indiana. It’s flat. It’s boring. It’s not famous. On those maps of the U.S. that show items the states are famous for, you will see a candy cane, race car, tree, and part of a State Farm Insurance logo that actually shows the relative location of an office in Illinois (Proof right here that it sucks- I had to go look for a 1995 State Farm/Rand McNally promotional item to think of anything that Indiana might be famous for. I quickly realized that I couldn’t think of anything because there wasn’t anything to think of). A state so messed up that it has two time zones- one that almost the entire state is in and one that a part of the state within reasonable distance of Chicago is in- so that people can plan things around Chicago because Indiana sucks.
33 Haikus About Poetry
I wrote 33 haikus about poetry last year for poetry warmup exercises. Enjoy!
Poetry III
Poetry is not
Exciting or boring but
Something on its own
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