The Happy Sunshine Gang
Musings of our Madness!
no. 5
Parable
We honestly hope that you learn something as you read the truly touching and heartwarming story of ‘The Lonely Hobo’. Next week we may include the death of the three unfortunate children, but the members of the Happy Sunshine Gang are rather last-minute people.
The Lonely Hobo
Once, there was a lonely hobo
who rode under train cars of the passenger trains of yesteryear,
eating the food from and mentally scarring the passengers for life.
He rode from town to town
looking for ‘honest’ means of income.
While no one who saw him would ever want to see him in a dark alley,
he would never take anyone there,
for he had more decency than that.
One time, the hobo climbed to the top of the train
to get a conveniently located fish and chips dinner.
After climbing up, he held up his metal golf club
with his right hand so he could grab
the cardboard container with his left hand.
With his golf club outstretched,
he grabbed the container, and was struck by lighting.
The container fell and crows came and ate the food up
as the rain and thunder of the storm that injured him
quickly began.
He fell off the train. Courageously, he dragged himself
to the nearest town
20 miles away
with his elbows.
When he arrived in town,
he went to the doctor’s offices,
but the four practitioners of medicine ignored him.
After a day alone in an alley downtown,
he could finally walk away.
As him and his scraggly beard slowly went to the street,
a child named Tommy abandoned his mother
and took pity on the hobo.
The hobo wasn’t in a good mood,
thanks to the doctors having denied him,
and poor Tommy wasn’t seen again.
Alone, feeling rather sorry for the poor boy,
and silently celebrating his recent intake of money,
he ventured to the train. The hobo was seen
while on the back of the train,
and the child that saw him ran away,
leaving him feeling very, very lonely.
The hobo left, and decided to settle down
in a more permanent residence.
When the hobo finally felt good enough to go back
and live his life years later, he found that there were
no more passenger trains to get free rides from
and so he decided to go back to his cardboard box.
He became a poet. He was never successful, though,
and was labeled a ‘serial killer’ be people,
even though he had never killed one piece of cereal
in his life.
The hoboes living near him eventually left,
leaving him feeling very, very lonely,
and abandoned both by progress
and the passage of time.
Tips for Making a Secrecy Pact
Just follow these tips, and you’ll always have a successful secrecy pact! Please read in detail, as it is a bit cheesy to have this with you as you are making it.
- Only make it with people you trust
- Never mention the pact with people who weren’t there when it was made
- Make sure everyone there makes the pact with you
- Only allow people to be there if you trust them
- Never violate the pact, especially if you made it
- Whisper, or used hush voices
- Chant, create a ritual
- Before making the pact, tell someone else everything you would protect with the pact and ask this person if the pact is worth making. You do not need to and shouldn’t make the pact with this person.
Sorry
We are terribly sorry about not having the issue out last week. A particular writer didn’t communicate that she didn’t want to ever actually write anything for the Happy Sunshine Gang, and so five weeks after two small little recipies for destruction were requested from her, she finally said this to us and ‘quit’. The publisher was too busy the night The Happy Sunshine Gang needed to be published on to write the pieces for this particular writer.
Payback
The ads you will see in the Happy Sunshine Gang are our payback to you for not entering our creative contest. We did say that you would suffer, and we weren’t lying. While some ads are placed by us stating that we are looking for something, one of our sponsors, Doomsday Supply Co., will also place ads, as well as RealCorp.
Thoughts for the Independent Mind
The Undermined Hero
This was going to be here, but due to the lameness of our publisher and editor, it can’t be. He forgot the one copy he had of the poem. Of course, not being a procrastinator and typing everything up the night before distribution might help. Please, if you have suggestions, send them our way!
Knowledge corner
“Cincinnati,Ohio is more than you think it is.”
-The Book of Truth
Advice
Trust anything we say; do whatever we tell you to do.
Random fact
In 1958, an atomic bomb was accidentally dropped by the U.S. military on
South Carolina.
Quote
“There is something rotten in the state of Denmark.” -William Shakespeare
Creativity Corner
Due to the results from our pilot for Creativity Corner from last week, we have chosen to have the Creativity Corner only be in when we have enough writing to put in it. This puts less stress on us, and will until we have more people willing to write/draw (hopefully meaning more will, making this be in here weekly).
Reminder: Enter anything you wish! Please deliver your writings to our creative works editor/director, Hannah Nies. It may be typed, written, or sent via email to niesbixby@gmail.com. If it is a drawing and you have a scanner, please scan it in and send it to her via email. If you do not have access to a scanner, please make your colors dark.
Contest
Due to the incredibly low number of entries for our contest (from last week), we will extend the contest by one more week. The theme is still ‘hermworm’ (homework) and deadlines. You may write a short story, poem, draw something, or whatever else comes to mind. You also have an unlimited number of entries. It’s not cheating if we tell you you can do it! Please try to keep it appropriate. We would prefer not to be sued by people for frivolous reasons so that we can sue others.
The guidelines for the creativity corner above also apply to the contest for sending it to our creative works editor/director, Hannah Nies.
Serial
Note: There will be no serial for the last two or three issues of the Happy Sunshine Gang, as the current serial will end, and there won’t be enough time to start a new one. Sorry.
Please Don’t Knock on the Walls
Part V
The Devil (but his friends call him Mr. Nick) walked briskly down the street that had led him to the theater and his recent meeting with Abramovich. He smiled to himself, making sure not to expose his serrated teeth to passerby. Now that he had spoken with Abramovich, now that he had planted the seeds of panic in his mind, he was sure that he would get what he wanted. Humans were all the same, really. Threaten things they enjoyed and they would eat out of the palm of your hand. Mr. Nick made a sharp turn into a dank alley behind an Italian restaurant. His nose wrinkled reflexively at the rotting smell of old tomatoes, bad spices, and rotten milk. Humans. They could build structures as tall as mountains but couldn’t even keep their own cities clean. But Mr. Nick had no time to ponder the nuances of human nature tonight. He had an important meeting with his sponsor.
Of course he was working for someone. These foolish humans didn’t really think that he caused all the evil in the world by himself, did they? His act of revealing himself to the foolhardy magician was only a cover up. No sane human would expect the Devil to interact with them and tell them about it. Chances were, Abramovich would chalk it up as a childish prank, go on with the show, and then Mr. Nick would have all the essence of his soul to serve his sponsor with.
Mr. Nick sat in the darkest corner of the stench filled alley. And he waited for the rush of soul’s power to tell him that he had succeeded.
Opinion(s)
Reader(s)! You may submit your opinions/suggestions/questions/concerns about/for the Happy Sunshine Gang. Just write a memo to our creative works editor, Hannah Nies. Do it for the fame; you may get published!
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