The Happy Sunshine Gang
No. 16
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Musings of Our Madness!
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November 23rd, 2013
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How to ‘Take Care’ of Someone With a Pen and What Could Justify It
As referred to in Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker’s ‘Misophonia: A Case Study’, some things are just really annoying and need to be dealt with. Don’t panic- if you can’t afford a serial killer or think it would look suspicious if you went out and bought something specifically for your gruesome task, you can save some money and weird looks by just exploring the uses of a pen. Below are some of the ways you could ‘finish’ your ‘task’:
- Poison them with the ink
- Use it to carve out their heart
- Stab them through the eye into their brane
- Stab them through the ear into their brane
- Using a slingshot, shoot it into their heart
- Drop it on their head from the Empire State Building while on a trip to New York
- Make them eat it (Note- It’s best to poison the pen first)
- If they chew on pens, put poison on it
- Stab it through their trachea
- Scoop out their intestines
Now if you’re caught and taken to court, the jury and judge just may want to know what drove you to killing them so that they can see your side of the story (and you may want to try to get them to sympathize with you). The following list of excuses just may be able to sway them to your side:
- They annoyed you
- They took your last pencil
- They wouldn’t stop poking you
- They still don’t know your name after knowing them for 10 years(!)
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin (Intro) & Glinda, Witch of the North (Lists)
New Writer
Unfortunately, our last writer is no longer with us. He specifically asked to be fired after realizing that being part of the HSG meant doing work from time to time (*cough* *cough* ScienceWalls *cough* *cough*). While this wasn’t directly affecting us, we have decided to hire a new writer. Her writing is of a very high quality, and her dedication puts the rest of the HSG to shame. The writer, Crossroads, started with the Creativity Corner and was asked to write as an official member of the HSG (Soul, intellectual property, and all assets signed over to the Editor in Chief of the HSG for all of eternity). She is responsible for the ‘Bits and Pieces’ puzzle and also writes for the opinion section. Note that she doesn’t have a column, but rather she writes for it unless another member wants to put something in. We should have an introduction from her in here next week.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
Word Search
‘Thanksgiving Break’ by Gavin Stalin
Thanksgiving, Break, Stuffing, Turkey, Pumpkinpie, Full, Family, Gorging, Pie
Bits and Pieces
The ‘Word Puzzle of the Week’ (still looking at names) is really quite simple. You sit down and count how many words you can make from a given phrase without using the words that are part of the phrase itself (ex: If the puzzle is ‘Fun Puzzle’, you can make ‘Fez’, but not ‘Fun’ or ‘Puzzle’). If you have beaten the given count, you may bring in your list of words with the corresponding puzzle to receive some sort of prize. It may be emailed or given to your local HSG representative.
Thanksgiving Break
Count: 147
What Do You Think?
We’re wondering what our readers are thinking, and may or may not be using their answers to program a robot that will destroy the world. No worries. Just email your answer to niesbixby@gmail.com or give it to your local HSG representative. It will be published!
What would happen if Bobland invaded Earth (again)?
“I would grab a towel and refuse to panic.”
Serial
The serial might be coming? Soon? Maybe if you’ve been a good child this year. That means that you don’t get to see it, Tommy.
Stereotyping States
Who knows? Our writers thought that this section would be fun. So, without any further explanation...
Oregon
Oregon is a state with several different pronunciations of its name from natives of the state, depending on where they grew up and where they live now. Clearly, with so many discrepancies over pronunciation, it must be a very poorly organized state. And... Oh, yes! Trees! And... More trees?
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
33 Haikus About Poetry
I wrote 33 haikus about poetry last year for poetry warmup exercises. Enjoy!
Poetry VI
Poetry still is
Boring without some music
It’s not poetry
Holiday Corner
Countdowns
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Thoughts for the Apocalypse Thrillseeker
In Which I Think to Myself, What a Wonderful World
Here’s a thought, guys. Today (or tomorrow) is the anniversary of the Kennedy assassinations. Yet do we see any signs, any mark on one of those calendars that has, like, a thousand holidays? Nope. And I know because I checked mine. Are we really, as a society, paying proper dues to the man? I don’t really think so.
Here’s an example. In the movies, there are lots and lots of films about Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington, and even King George VII. But have any of you people there seen any Kennedy movies? I’ve seen one. One. That’s it. The man gets killed, and he only gets one movie.
Is anyone else a little bit embarrassed? Or am I just being overdramatic? It certainly wouldn’t be new for me, but somehow I doubt that I am being so, today. In the LMTC, at 7:46, typing this column and trying to get my homework done.
Let me just ask you again. Is anyone else a little bit embarrassed?
-Glinda, Witch of the North
Thoughts for the Independent Mind
Please. Turn Something In. Anything.
Well, this is a large bit of space that I need to fill up because there has still only been one thing submitted this year for this column. Hopefully something will be submitted. This does remind me to ask if any readers have ideas of what can be used to fill empty space. It should be something rather small that wouldn’t be an ink waster but wouldn’t have to fit into something else. Please submit your ideas to your loca HSG representative or to niesbixby@gmail.com.
I’m sorry that I’ve been barking about this, but we can’t all stay up past midnight wondering what we can put in here. Please.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
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Thanksgiving: 6 days
The pilgrims probably had a meal of goose and eel.
Cities for Life Day: 8 days
I can’t wait!
Christmas: 32 days
No big deal.
New Year’s: 39 days
Samoa and Tokelau skipped Friday so they wouldn’t be the last ones to celebrate at midnight (It was actually for trade, but you can ignore this)
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Opinion
Holidays Coming? Forget the Turkey- Try a Test
I’ve decided that I hate the holidays.
I mean--I like the presents and the food and the snow, but I can’t stand the weeks leading up to them. I remember the years before middle school and high school: wasn’t it festive how the students would make little cotton ball snowman with red yarn for scarves during Christmas, or how near Thanksgiving they traced their tiny hands to form turkeys? Unfortunately, last biology class there was no snowmen making, nor the creation of turkey hands. Instead, there was an exam. And a reminder of the exam next week--the day before Thanksgiving. Which is why I ask: Why is it that teachers want to squeeze every assignment, project, and test into students’ schedules the day before holiday vacation? I used to have teachers who wouldn’t give us any homework that day. To prove my point, I’ll give you an overview of just one day of my week: At six-fifteen, wake up. Get ready for school. Rush to be at school by seven. Spend a half an hour at a Leo Club meeting, then sprint down the hall to attend a National English Honor Society meeting. At 8:15, take a three part history exam. Feel exhausted and realize it’s only 9:45. Go to study hall and struggle through homework. At 11:30, head to orchestra. Play music until your fingers fall off. Finally, get into the line mob for lunch at 1:10. Eat. Head down to English thirty minutes later. Spend an hour debating the theme and conflicts in “Initiation”. Wish you could take something for your headache. Walk to the middle school and take another hour and a half to study at Science Olympiad. Realize your mom can’t pick you up until five. Walk to the library in search of peace and quiet. See your ride and rush out the door. Eat. At six thirty, go to taekwondo for an hour and a half. Feel guilty that you didn’t practice viola. Expect to go home, but find out that at nine you have to host a surprise birthday party for someone. Finally sit down to do your homework at ten thirty. Go to bed at midnight and dread waking up early to practice Chinese and viola. Almost pass out from exhaustion to the thought of a biology test next week and the explication project Friday.
If you feel like you won’t make the weekend, I’m right there with you. And if you need a stress reliever? Trace a paper turkey and throw darts at it. Happy Thanksgiving!
-Crossroads
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Review Corner
Music Musings: The Christmas Invasion Part II
Yesterday, Christmas music began playing on a local radio station. That’s November 21st, 33 days away from Christmas. And, of course, a week before Thanksgiving. While for many people, Christmas is a great time that means spending time with family, eating a few too many cookies, and wearing ugly sweaters, it also means a lot of work and stress for those that get stuck doing all of the holiday shopping. While the music gets those who don’t need to worry excited for Christmas, it only adds to the stress of the holiday hosts and shoppers.
Christmas Songs By Diana Krall (2005)
This album is a slightly jazzy version of famous Christmas tunes with a hint of the Big Band era. It isn’t easily hated, and is rather easy to listen to without A) gauging your eyes out or B) having your ears bleed, as some Christmas songs do. The tracks all sound like they are classics- not the music, which is, but the recordings. They have a warm feel that is sure to brighten up that boring Christmas cookie decorating session or that ugly sweater party of yours.
-The Infamous Gavin Stalin
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